Oh my aching hands

This post is perhaps more appropriately titled I want my money back.

My dogs are great for some things.  They get the newspaper on the weekends (well, ONE does, the other just wags her tail and pretends to help) they warn us when someone (or a CAT) is outside, and they negate the need to pick up any food that drops on the floor.  Awesome.

There is a park we go to that we lovingly refer to as the nazi leash law park.  Two friends of mine have received pink slips for not having their dogs on the leash.  I have heard rumors of tickets and fines.  Ours are trained to stay with us — they aren’t police dogs that heel with hand signals and german grunts — but they don’t take off for the hills if we let them go.  They don’t randomly “visit” strangers if we tell them not to.  Usually we go there to swim (well, ONE swims and the other wades like a hippopotamus lying in wait) because the dog beach (I use the term beach VERY loosely here) is the only designated off-leash sector.  I understand the need for leash laws, I really do, I just wish there were more open areas we could take our dogs around here.  We have very few options.

Tonight, I was meeting a friend and her lovely obedient german shepherd that might as well be a police dog for a walk, I had dreams of taking my camera and posting pictures of the boundless beauty of the lakes and trees.  I forgot.

And it wouldn’t have mattered if I had my camera anyway, because after pulling in the parking lot, my animals instantly become feral slobbering numbskulls.  My front seat has an air bag weight limit detector, so while they are jumping about, the intermittent EEP EEP EEP….EEPEEPEEP IREALLYMEANITFATTYPUTYOURBELTON EEP EEP EEP clouds my judgement so then I start screaming at them like they actually understand my flailing coded arm waving.

I had to call for backup because they yanked my arm so much and gave me a leash burn on my palm so nasty that I could barely get my rings off.  Apparently they are so spoiled it is unconscionable to imagine time at the nazi leash law park without a swim in the pond.  You mean we have to stay on a trail ON A LEASH?  Mutiny!  The ridiculous amount of money we spent on two-week in house training where they also train the OBEDIENT POLICE DOGS was not worth it.  The guy actually said “They are some of the most stubborn I’ve seen.”  Thanks for the vote of confidence!  Can I please have my money back now?

The Cesar Milan techniques work a lot better when they’re tired.  And the best way to ensure they are tired is to let them run off-leash, like dogs were meant to run.  So, next time I go for a walk there I will go sans K9s and WITH my camera.  And I’m going to buy 5 acres in the country so that they can run free on my property until their little hearts (and my little heart) can’t take it anymore.